#59 Dangerous vs. Offensive

Responding to our complex and often problematic culture can be a tough thing for parents! In judging movies, for example, we're often tempted to think that a "clean" movie - one that's free of sex, violence and bad language - is a good movie. Period.

The problem with this is that it's a superficial way of judging something's value. By all means, cleanness can be a good thing, but it's not everything, and we Christians are seriously interested in the "heart of the matter".

I find it helpful to distinguish between "dangerous" and "offensive".

Some things are dangerous AND offensive. These are easy and obvious for us to avoid.

Some things can be offensive, but not dangerous, and will require further discernment to determine whether they're worthwhile.

The most dangerous thing in the end, though, is the thing which is dangerous, but not offensive. It's the sort of thing that can sneak in because we don't even recognize our vulnerability. So don't forget to look below the surface.

#55 Curriculum Overload

One aspect of homeschooling that many seasoned mothers will caution you about is getting carried away in purchasing curriculum for your children. It's easy to overestimate the importance of the books themselves in your children's education and spend too much money and waste too much time and energy trying to find the perfect fit. The fact is that there won't be a perfect fit.

I thought this quote from Gretchen Rubin, writing in Real Simple magazine, made a useful distinction about how we choose things...

There are two types of decision makers. Satisficers... make a decision once their criteria are met. Maximizers want to make the best possible decision. Even if they see a bicycle of a backpack that meets their requirements, they can't make a decision until they've examined every option. Satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers. Maximizers expend more time and energy reaching decisions, and they're often anxious about their choices. Sometimes good enough is good enough.

Docility (#50)

In his book Authenticity, Fr. Thomas Dubay explains the traditional intellectual virtue of docility: “We are to welcome instruction, yes. But this is not enough. We are to welcome correction as well, being told that we are wrong. This is living the virtue of docility.

As the word indicates, docility is the capacity to learn, a willingness to be taught. One is docile when he recognizes his own lack of information and expertise, on the one hand, and the superior knowledge and skills of his teacher, on the other. In this context a synonym more acceptable to modern ears is receptivity…

Like other moral virtues, docility lies in a mean between two extremes. One extreme is the more or less arrogant refusal to accept the thoughts of another. The other is an exaggerated credulity that has lost a sense of proper discrimination and healthy criticism.”

Break the Conventions, Keep the Commandments (#39)

I find that in balancing my obligations as a homeschool mother, I need to make distinctions between what I can be flexible and open about and what is non-negotiable.

Not only do such distinctions relieve stress when things don't go as planned (and in a family this is a common occurrence!), but they also free me to give my children the chance to make some choices in their day and in their education - which can be a good thing for both of us!

G. K. Chesterton offers a helpful and humorous perspective:

"A man's minor actions and arrangements ought to be free, flexible, creative; the things that should be unchangeable are his principles, his ideals. But with us, the reverse is true; our views change constantly, but our lunch does not change. Now, I should like men to have strong and rooted conceptions, but as for their lunch, let them have it sometimes in the garden, sometimes in bed, sometimes on the roof, sometimes in the top of a tree. Let them argue from the same first principles, but let them do it in a bed, or a boat or a balloon."

Some Qualities of a Good Catholic School (#35)

Pope Pius XI speaks to us across the ages in his 1939 encyclical On Christian Education in which he describes some of the qualities of a good Catholic school:

In such a school... the study of the vernacular and of classical literature will do no damage to moral virtue. There the Christian teacher will imitate the bee, which takes the choicest part of the flower and leaves the rest, as St. Basil teaches in his discourse to youths on the study of the classics. Nor will this necessary caution... in any way hinder the Christian teacher from gathering and turning to profit, whatever there is of real worth in the systems and methods of our modern times, mindful of the Apostle's advice: "Prove all things: hold fast that which is good." Hence in accepting the new, he will not hastily abandon the old, which the experience of the centuries has found expedient and profitable.

Developing Your Skeptometer (#32)

One of the most important things our children will need when they leave home and go off into the world is what I like to call a "skeptometer"* - the ability to filter and weigh information without automatically accepting and absorbing it.

It is a task uniquely suited to parents - and a particularly good task for fathers - to help their children develop this skill. It's not hard to find material to consider and discuss. With young children, we talk about commercials and advertising and what the company is trying to sell us. Great literature, newspaper articles, popular movies and televised political debates are all good opportunities for discussion with older children. This generally doesn't require extra planning - often just including your children in things that you're already interested in.

These discussions can also inspire parents to learn more in order to help their children find the answers without arrogance or presumption.

Related Quote:

To train a citizen is to train a critic. The whole point of education is that it should give a man abstract and eternal standards, by which he can judge material and fugitive conditions.

-G.K. Chesterton (All is Grist)

* Note: I have to give credit to my brother-in-law John for introducing me to this term in the first place.

Maturity and Protecting Innocence (#28)

Society has a tendency to frown upon the idea of "sheltering" our children from negative influences. And yet, most people, at least when pressed, would agree that some lines need to be drawn. After all, most would accept that watching a frightening movie, like Jurassic Park, would be detrimental to a two year old!


Maturity is one of the most important factors we need to consider in choosing books and movies for our children. The church distinguishes the first seven years of life as a time in which the child's innocence needs to be protected. After that, distinctions need to be made by parents based on the child's understanding and maturity and the influence a particular book or movie is likely to have on the child.


It is right that teens and adults will read and watch more mature things. Many great films and works of literature wrestle with important and complex concepts like the consequences of sin.